American Apparel Releases Midriff-Baring Shirt for Men

If you're a man who has always been secretly jealous of girls who get to show off their belly-button rings in fashionable midriff-baring shirts, then this new shirt from American Apparel is for you. Perfect for those hot summer months, this garment gets extra points for including rayon, which American Apparel's website says "adds a unique texture and drapes against the body for a slimming effect." We have two complains, though: first, this shirt costs $16, the same price as all of American Apparel's other shirts. Since it's really a half-shirt, shouldn't it be $8? Second, it's only available in athletic gray. We'd prefer to bare our belly in Pomegranate, please. 

In any case, you can feel good about your crop-top being made by someone receiving health insurance and a living wage rather than a 6-year old Chinese girl in a sweatshop. So go ahead, show off your happy trail. You're changing the face of America.

Via American Apparel. 

Osama bin Shoppin Roams Streets of New York City

Help! This situation calls for a task force made up of Tim Gunn and various FBI anti-terrorism people because Osama bin Shoppin is running around New York City, distracting people with her (his?) miles of perfectly waxed legs and turban. Maybe it's just for preventing scalp sunburn.

Via Best Week Ever.

Love Your Pet Forever, and Ever

Do you seriously love your dog or cat? Will you be devastated when they die? Would having them freeze-dried, stuffed, and posed in a hilarious (see above) or familiar (sleeping on your couch) position help you feel better? Thanks to a company called Perpetual Pet, you can literally do just that, for a small fee (freeze-drying Fluffy's carcass begins at $395). Their website promises you will hardly be able to tell a difference, save a "lack of movement."

Don't miss their awesome picture and testimonial gallery here.

Via Perpetual Pet.

America's Government Promotes Peace and Security... With Google AdSense

Googling for information on national security? Don't be surprised if one of the paid links that pops up directs you to a page that is "telling America's story." Someone thought an awesome way to spend advertising dollars (apparently, the government has a marketing budget) was by sending searchers presumably googling terms like "peace" or "security risk" to a page on www.america.gov regarding America's foreign policy, including issues in places like the Middle East and Syria. Because nothing says "creating security through improved relations and cooperation" like the situation in Iraq.

Via Tech Crunch.

Gary Coleman Goes on Divorce Court

Okay, so this isn't a Sign of the Apocalypse per se, but it would have been if this hadn't unfolded exactly as it did. Here's a recap: Gary Coleman married last August this actually sort-of attractive (for Gary Coleman) red-haired girl named Shannon Price who is 18 years younger and a foot taller. She also took his 40-year old virginity. Although not right away.

Now, less than a year later, they are getting divorced. On Divorce Court.

Some highlights: Shannon complains that Coleman has no friends. She was mad when he wasn't supportive of her when she got into a fight with a friend who claimed to know when the world was ending (um, doesn't her friend read this blog?). They have a "mediocre" personal life. Also, Shannon seems unable to complete a sentence without inappropriately using the word "like" 47 times.

Maybe it's a Sign of the Apocalypse after all -- that they didn't have their wedding filmed for a reality TV special or do some sort of Newlyweds-esque show. Maybe Gary Coleman can be the next Bachelor. We would [shamefully] watch that.

Via Best Week Ever (click through for videos).

Company Creates Pet Tanning Bed; This is a Real Product

Does your pet suffer from seasonal depression disorder? Is he looking a little pasty after spending all winter inside watching Friends re-runs on the couch? If so, Paradise Image has come to the rescue with a new "sunbeam solution" for pets -- a contraption that beams artificial sunlight (at a comfy 85 degrees or so) onto a comfortable stain- and odor-resistant bed. Conveniently folds up for easy storage and transport. Because clearly no one would otherwise buy a pet tanning bed if it wasn't portable. Go to their website here

Via Gizmodo.

David Blaine Holds Breath Underwater for 17+ Minutes, Fails to Die

For reasons still unclear, famed illusionist David Blaine decided to try to break the record for the longest amount of time anyone had ever held his/her breath underwater. On Oprah. He succeeded, holding his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds, breaking the previous record by Swiss man Peter Colat of 16 minutes and 32 seconds. He had previously attempted to do this in a public display at the Lincoln Center, but had to come out before he broke the record when his body pretty much freaked out.

Blaine says he will also attempt later this year to break the record for staying awake the longest (the current record is 11 1/2 days).

See videos here and here.

Via Associated Press.

Image via neatnessdotcom.

Tyra Banks, Howie Mandel Eligible for Emmy Award; Dead Emmy Winners Roll Over in Graves

Did you ever think that it was a crime hosts of reality television shows were unable to receive award recognition for their important contributions to television? Fear not, lovers of Chris Harrison on "The Bachelor:" now the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences has created a new Emmy category for "Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program." Top contenders for the award include: Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel, and Tyra Banks, for their respective ground-breaking work on "American Idol," "Deal or No Deal," and "America's Next Top Model."

Finally, Some Respect, via AOL

Image via NBC